We make shirts for people who live in labs.

The Abstract started with a simple observation: most "science" shirts are made by people who've never pipetted anything. You know the ones: a cartoon beaker, a pun that stopped being funny in 2009, a font screaming that science is fun!

We wanted the other thing. The joke you mutter to the one labmate who'll actually laugh. The line that only lands if you've re-run a Western at midnight, argued with Reviewer 2, or explained for the hundredth time that no, you're not that kind of doctor. Yet.

So every design here is written for the inside of the joke, not the outside of it. If you've ever trusted a result you got exactly once, we made these for you.

Printed on soft, well-fitting shirts, made to order, and shipped to wherever you're procrastinating on your thesis.

The Abstract